How the Elf, Jedi, and Witch Destroyed the Kraken: A rap by Cydne.
by Cydne Elliott West on Saturday, May 21, 2011 at 2:00pm
There once was a creature so mighty and strong.
Tormented Elves and Jedi's all the daylong.
The beast was so evil, with an absence of Zen.
Gotta stay inside and beware the Kraken.
The Hobbits were eaten and the Wizards were slain.
Until three brave heroes came to save the day.
Troy, the Jedi with a harness of gold.
Whipped out his light saber from times of old.
He thrust his weapon high up in the air.
While the wind blew through his luscious hair.
He’s not like Luke, cause Luke is such a hoe.
This Jedi is a diva and he fucks Han Solo.
Darth Vader and Yoda can’t contain this boy.
He’s their father, bitch and this ain't no ploy.
With his battle cry of “You Bitch ass bitch.”
He was joined by another, a top-notch Witch.
Cydne, the Witch so powerful and fierce .
Has a body made of metal that none can pierce.
Wields the elder wand that she stole from Harry Potter.
And knows more about magic than Hogwarts could have taught her.
Casting spells, charms, and curses that make your toes curl in.
Hocus pocus motha fucka she pwns harder than Merlin.
Cryin bibbity boppity and a motha fuckin boo.
Lord Voldemort was killed, and Cedric Diggory too.
Boilin a potion, colder than zero degrees Kelvin.
She summoned another hero, this one is quite Elven.
Courtney, the Elf, is tough and full of strength.
She will go on any mission any time, or any length.
Gandalf is her dad, so she’s the strongest in the shire.
Ask Legolas, that ho, was killed with balls of fire.
Frodo, Sam, and the twin bend to her every will,
When she asks for second breakfast, she gets more than her fill.
A crossbow is her number one weapon of choice,
Slicin through those niggas with arrows by Rolls Royce.
Packin her shit and hittin the road once and for all.
She joins the other heroes and answers the call.
From space, from the shire, from the house of Gryffindor,
These three hot bitches simply rocked into Mordor.
The Kraken was making a big ass scene
Sellin yellow pages to the most obscene.
The nigga needs to go, the heroes said
So they pulled out their weapons and went to kill him dead
They accessed their powers as starship rangers.
Cuttin up the Kraken and diving into danger.
For Smeadle, for Chewy, for Severus Snape.
The heroes popped his head of like a giant grape.
The Kraken was gone and the world was at peace.
And everyone celebrated with a giant feast.
Turkey legs and boxes of wine went around the table.
And that my friends is the end of this fable.
Remember next time when you need some help.
From Cthulu, Davy Jones, or some monster kelp.
Don’t call ghostbusters, when the world is getting stranger.
Get the Elf, Witch, and Jedi from the starship rangers.
Yeah...she's awesome like cinammon toast hahaha
We at JSA have been going super LOTR fantasy crazy to the point we've begun discussing future plans for a Hobbit House. I thought I knew what one should look like until I ...stumbled upon this gem. Introducing the Hobbit Treehouse from architect Robert Harvey Oshatz. More Pictures :)
Tormented Elves and Jedi's all the daylong.
The beast was so evil, with an absence of Zen.
Gotta stay inside and beware the Kraken.
The Hobbits were eaten and the Wizards were slain.
Until three brave heroes came to save the day.
Troy, the Jedi with a harness of gold.
Whipped out his light saber from times of old.
He thrust his weapon high up in the air.
While the wind blew through his luscious hair.
He’s not like Luke, cause Luke is such a hoe.
This Jedi is a diva and he fucks Han Solo.
Darth Vader and Yoda can’t contain this boy.
He’s their father, bitch and this ain't no ploy.
With his battle cry of “You Bitch ass bitch.”
He was joined by another, a top-notch Witch.
Cydne, the Witch so powerful and fierce .
Has a body made of metal that none can pierce.
Wields the elder wand that she stole from Harry Potter.
And knows more about magic than Hogwarts could have taught her.
Casting spells, charms, and curses that make your toes curl in.
Hocus pocus motha fucka she pwns harder than Merlin.
Cryin bibbity boppity and a motha fuckin boo.
Lord Voldemort was killed, and Cedric Diggory too.
Boilin a potion, colder than zero degrees Kelvin.
She summoned another hero, this one is quite Elven.
Courtney, the Elf, is tough and full of strength.
She will go on any mission any time, or any length.
Gandalf is her dad, so she’s the strongest in the shire.
Ask Legolas, that ho, was killed with balls of fire.
Frodo, Sam, and the twin bend to her every will,
When she asks for second breakfast, she gets more than her fill.
A crossbow is her number one weapon of choice,
Slicin through those niggas with arrows by Rolls Royce.
Packin her shit and hittin the road once and for all.
She joins the other heroes and answers the call.
From space, from the shire, from the house of Gryffindor,
These three hot bitches simply rocked into Mordor.
The Kraken was making a big ass scene
Sellin yellow pages to the most obscene.
The nigga needs to go, the heroes said
So they pulled out their weapons and went to kill him dead
They accessed their powers as starship rangers.
Cuttin up the Kraken and diving into danger.
For Smeadle, for Chewy, for Severus Snape.
The heroes popped his head of like a giant grape.
The Kraken was gone and the world was at peace.
And everyone celebrated with a giant feast.
Turkey legs and boxes of wine went around the table.
And that my friends is the end of this fable.
Remember next time when you need some help.
From Cthulu, Davy Jones, or some monster kelp.
Don’t call ghostbusters, when the world is getting stranger.
Get the Elf, Witch, and Jedi from the starship rangers.
Yeah...she's awesome like cinammon toast hahaha
We at JSA have been going super LOTR fantasy crazy to the point we've begun discussing future plans for a Hobbit House. I thought I knew what one should look like until I ...stumbled upon this gem. Introducing the Hobbit Treehouse from architect Robert Harvey Oshatz. More Pictures :)
So much genius in one picture, I can't even stand it right now! I feel like rushing down to Borders....all the way in Palm Springs hahaha and grabbing a buttload of architecture books. I mean can you believe this is a house, as in residential, as in people actually live here!!!! AMAZING!!!
I've got mandolins on the brain...can't wait to open that Guitar Center credit card lol. It'll be great, Courtney's Mandolin Tribute to the Hobbits
It shall be like none ever heard.
~love you all, Courtney :)
Thanks for reading :) I'll be sure to check you guys out!!!
ReplyDelete